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MDMA no longer getting me high...

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06th Jan 2012

I first started taking MD with an ex of mine, who started me (stupidly) on 1/2g. It gave me an amazing high the first time I took it. The second time I took it, (even more stupidly) I took 1g, which kept me up for 8 hours on this incredible, loving high, but left me incredibly unwell for 4 days after. The entire day after I couldn't even stand up, never mind eat, and took valium to go to sleep. After that I had 4 days of hell basically: physically weak, passing out, crying a lot. I had work to get in for my degree which I just couldn't do. Anyway, that was a year ago, and although the lows were low, the highs were high. But since I've been taken it this year (I've taken it about 4 times now), I just don't feel like I'm getting high anymore. Everyone around me will be coming up hard and I feel confused and 'wacked out' but not really happy, even though I've generally taken more than them. Its a very alienating experience. This NYE I took 3/4g, thinking it was a 'mind over matter' thing and I would get high again. But no. I just felt anxious and 'fucked' but not happy and certainly not without inhibitions. My come down hit very quickly after and I was stuck in a rave full of high people feeling very very low. For 3 days after I felt dreadful, like I'd fallen into a deep black space and was never getting out. I had terrifying dreams and found it hard to stop being paranoid and sleep. I tried to do uni work, but just couldn't. I felt like all my relationships were fake, and nobody really cared about me. I had panic attacks when I tried to go for a walk. It got better, and today I feel fine, but it really scared me. I've heard MDMA can seriously deplete your seratonin, especially if you've just done it too much, but there's just not enough literature giving us the facts.I'm staying away from MD for a while, because I don't think I can really trust it anymore.

Tags: MDMA bad experience come down DEPRESSION Anxiety
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