Losing my son is not an option I can bear

I have learnt from him the drugs started at the age of 15.  It was weed and a bong, in a garage or shed, just for a laugh, just for the adult kicks.  To my dying day I will regret not noticing, not realising, not opening my eyes and seeing the signs.  At 16 it was cannabis and MD, his personality changed, more aggressive, rude, but I covered that with ‘well he is becoming a man and trying to find his feet’.  Money went missing, he went missing, but each time I swallowed the excuses, after all ‘he’s a good boy’.  17 and he wins an apprenticeship against 200 other applicants.  Proud is not a grand enough word to describe how I felt.  Well paid, he bought his first car, had a pretty girl on his arm, but still I failed to notice the weight loss and shadows over his blood shot eyes.  18 and he lives in a bedsit.  Craving his next fix, always needing money, fighting physically with his girl friend, uncouth, rude, dirty, and so painfully thin.  

The apprenticeship and future in tatters destroyed by his habit, unable to get out of bed and face a day’s work. His car seized and squashed.  All his possessions sold to fund the craving.  His visits to home our house and his room are taken up with us treading on egg shells careful not to enflame his temper.  Making sure all monies and valuables are hidden.  19...............19 and today I learn that my son is dealing, dealing the cause to other 16 year olds - starting the cycle and funding his out of control habit.

I don’t recognise my own lovely son.  The life and soul of our house, the bright as a button brother.  He has become the figure of desperation, living between legal and shadow. He hasn’t got long left before he hits the point of no recovery.  Yes, he can be saved in later years when the addiction has turned to a cry for help, but the life soul will have been snuffed, just an operating husk left.  

My advice to other parents:  Be strong! Keep your eyes wide open, listen; the smallest morsel of information might give you a clue. Take advice even if you feel the battles lost. And never give up, their addiction is also your fight!